Life lately.

IMG_0722

There really, truly is so much going on behind the scenes lately that I really do try to sit down & blog about it all, but then sitting down to even blog only seems to be able to happen at ridiculous o’clock these days, & it goes without saying that me & ridiculous o’clock are not friends.

And we probably never will be.

It sucks though, because I love coming here to tell my stories of Motherhood, & working Motherhood, & nailing Motherhood, & then not nailing Motherhood.  I have always been, & imagine I always will be a teller of stories, especially when it comes to stories of Motherhood.  I guess what I am trying to say is that when I don’t come to this space, I end up missing it so very much.  It’s like, for me, being able to come here to my own little space on the www allows me to enjoy Motherhood a whole lot more, just because I get to discuss Motherhood I guess?

So while I’m currently not able to discuss as much as I’d like to, thanks to the busy-ness that is life lately, I’mma resort to dot point discussion instead.

// Work.

I guess I got promoted? Well, my hours got increased, & I am now managing all social media forums with Down That Little Lane, … & loving it.

I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to pull it off.  I’m a dirty old perfectionist from way back, y’see, so I was worried I’d be taking on all of the extra hours, but then end up having a meltdown over trying to pull it all off.  And the thing is, I’m actually pulling it off?! I mean it’s busy, & it’s especially busy when Frankie goes through one of those baby developmental leaps & seemingly needs to be held 24 mofo’ing 7, but … I pull it off? I do, I really do, & … I’m chuffed.

Some friends’ll say, why don’t you make it easy on yourself & y’know … not work? But see, I can’t.  I actually just can’t.  It’s not in me not to work, I actually don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not working, & yes whilst there are some days (or a lot of days even) that feel entirely insane when you’re working from home with an infant & a toddler, I actually feel more insane when I’m home with an infant & a toddler & not working.

Go figure?

We’re all different, aren’t we? For me personally, working Motherhood is what helps me be a better Mother, because … I have something for me, just me.  I also like that Dave’s income goes towards the mortgage & a couple of bills, & then mine goes towards groceries, more bills, & then fantastic things for the kids like swimming lessons, art classes, weekend adventures, & then yep, … occasional spoils for me (usually of the home décor kinda spoilin’, & mostly always from DTLL, ha!).

Yes, there are moments where I have to ask Max to “just give Mummy ten minutes” while I respond to a work e-mail or whatever, & y’know look … there aren’t many three year old’s who like being told to “just wait”.  And yep, not even six months ago this alone used to riddle me with guilt.  Nowadays though? I feel no guilt.  Zilch.  He is learning my incredibly good work ethic, he is learning patience, he is learning that the world does not revolve specifically around his wants + needs, he comes out with adorable one-liners to his Kindergarten teachers like “did you know that Daddy goes to work to pay for my yoghurt, & Mummy goes to work to pay for my pasta?” & hey, I’d be lying if I told you that my inner feminist doesn’t love that Mummy & Daddy are on equal playing fields according to our three year old.  In his eyes, we’re both bringing home the bacon (or yoghurt, … & pasta, ha!).

And I bloody love that.

And hey, I save roughly $250 per week on childcare for x2 children, so y’know, … go me!

// Other work related matters.

I was offered some social media work with another big company.

I did consider taking it on, & if I did, I could have only pulled it off if we looked into getting a Nanny x1 day per week whose sole task would have just been to keep the children away from me so that I could work uninterrupted, ha!

It sounded really great actually, but the thing is I didn’t realise until the very end of our phone discussion that there would be an expectation for me to leave DTLL due to a conflict of interest, so … a no go.

Still, it was nice to be told that they liked how I’ve been executing DTLL’s social media.

I’m … chuffed.

// ‘House of sick’.

Dave & I have just recovered from the most torrential wave of sick.  Actually, it completely knocked us all for six, & it really is times like these that I really just couldn’t feel further from Adelaide.

Y’know, … home. 

Had I been in Adelaide, I know I’d have had Dad, a step Ma, step sister, my brother, my brother’s wife, & look, I know they’re all busy, but they’re also family, & I know they’d have helped.

Don’t get me wrong, I have family here; an Aunt & a Nanna, but at exactly the same time that we got struck with relentless bad health like we did the other week, my Nan tore a tendon in her shoulder, so my Aunt was helping her with that.

Just shit out of luck, really.

Dave & I spoke in bed after we recovered from my mastitis hell, & then all of us simultaneously being struck down with a really nasty & undoubtledly swimming lesson induced chest infection.  And we couldn’t help but agree that we really are alone in our parenting adventures, & it’s times like the ones we’ve just had where we really do realise that.

It’s a really empty feeling.  And I never want my children to know that emptiness.

// Mother’s group.

I’ve found a most incredible crew.

I’ve never had an incredible Mothers group-like crew before, & they’re rapidly feeling like the family that I don’t have in Melbourne.  When I got really sick with mastitis the other week, they came around with their kids & we sort of just did this communal play date where I was mostly just able to sit down & be at peace with my mastitis, & then they mostly just didn’t judge me, or my messy house, or my greasy, unwashed hair.

I’ve never had that before.  And it felt seriously … nurturing. 

// Love bites.

Dave & I just can’t get along lately.

I hate it.  I hate it.  I hate it. 

Parenting is hard.  And unfortunately for Dave, he married someone who is without a Mother, & without a sister in Australia, & without a Father in Melbourne, so … he’s my village.

Sounds romantic huh? It’s f*cking not.  It means that I rely on him for everything, & it must be exhausting for one man to be one woman’s entire village.  And I feel sorry for him, I really do.  But … I feel sorry for me too.  I need him.  And he has to work interstate a lot, & when we roll into end of June 30 season he works ninety hour weeks, & I just actually go bat sh*t crazy.

Sometimes, I’d just love someone to help me out with arsenic hour, or solo parenting adventures, or the whole getting the three year old to actually eat dinner every-single-night mofo’ing tantrum, or tidying the house after the kids are asleep so that I can tackle work-from-home in a reasonably respectable environment.

Sometimes? I’d just like it if someone, anyone, could just sit there while I tackle all of that by myself.  Just … company, y’know?

The other night, I threw an apple pie at him.  Because he was just being a smug f*ck.  And because I didn’t have the maturity to articulate my frustration in an even remotely respectable way, so … I threw an apple pie at him.  And my heart smiled & felt a whole lot better watching the stupid bloody thing disintegrate all over him.

And hey look, thankfully for me, Dave knows he married a throw’er.  I don’t know what other women do when they’re angry? Silent treatment? A long drive? Retreat to the bedroom for some alone time? Scream obscenities?

Me? I throw things.  Mostly always food.  Never in front of my children, rest assured.

// Ardy Away.

“Ardy Away”, which is how Max pronounces “Aunty Marie”, & I think we both secretly hope that he’ll never grow out of it.

I met her years ago when she was studying to be a midwife & needed a pregnant person to buddy up with to help her complete her course.  Enter bloated, first time Mum-to-be, seriously pregnant me.  As soon as I met her, I was like “you’re wonderful! Of course you can deliver my baby”.

And so she did.  And then she did again with Frankie.

She’s just … such a wonderful person! Godmother to Frankie, favourite “Aunt” & best friend to Max, secret God damned crush o’ mine.  I mean truly, when she walks into our home? I just about crush on this beautiful human being.  I mean, any Mother would when they see someone loving on their children almost as much as they do themselves?!

I remember feeling nervous to ask her to be Frankie’s Godmother.  I mean we were friends, but it was mostly based around pregnancy + babies + childbirth, y’know? But I just wanted my children to have her values, her family values, the strongest family values you’ll ever see.  And the thing is, she said yes to being Godmother, an emphatic yes even?!

And she’s been playing Aunt to my children ever since.  And I can’t even articulate how much that fills my heart with joy.  I tried, Lord knows I tried to thank her in a speech I made at Frankie’s baptism, but because I fail at speaking publicly it came out in a jumbled bloody mess.

I look forward to the day when I can give back to the friendship, what she puts in.

And so this is life lately.  My life lately.  In dot point.

Comments

  1. I hear you on the house of sick lady… it’s never ending here… gastro now chicken pox…worst.

    Your not so sunshine days I know will turn into absolute sunshine days, for sure.

    Love these honest posts.

    x

    • Raising Master Max says:

      Oh, chicken pox!

      I wouldn’t even wish that on my worst enemy, & I know you know the Motherless Mothering gig like I do.

      Hugs to you,

      Our Sunshine-y days are just around the corner :)

      x

  2. Your life always seems so full on :)

    You know I totally get you on the whole wanting the company. Although I have family close-ish sometimes I’d just kill to have someone home each evening with me. It can be so incredibly lonely. I’m going to PM you my mobile number on Facebook and I want you to message me everytime it just gets too much. Even if it’s just an “arghhh!!!” you know I’ll understand :)

    P.S You look stunning in that photo!

    • Raising Master Max says:

      Not full on, just … real? I guess? (hope), ha!

      And I would LOVE to be your text buddy, my LORD!

      x

  3. I have always appreciated how honest you are about the struggles of motherhood. It’s refreshing. I think you are doing a wonderful job given the sometimes stressful situation you are in. Sending hugs xxxx

  4. Benedicta says:

    OMG Cherie Anne!!! You are not seriously suggesting that mothers who aren’t getting paid aren’t “working”???? And that they can’t teach a good work ethic to their children? I would love to think that you don’t believe that and it’s just a slip of the tongue…

    • Raising Master Max says:

      Not even remotely.

      I meant, … it’s how I personally make myself feel better about the demands of my working Motherhood life.

      Motherhood is a full-time job, & every woman is a bloody hero for pulling off what we do.

      Daily. x

      P.S It makes me sad to think that anyone would over-analyse my words. They’re often typed out at 1 or 2am, so yes, proofreading is minimal ;)

      • Benedicta says:

        Sometimes things leap off the page for some people and not others – it’s not over-analysis though – I just reckon we need to make sure we don’t write off our own or other women’s efforts – there’s enough other people doing it without us joining in too. :)

        • Raising Master Max says:

          I agree.

          But if anything, the aim of my game (in life) is to empower women. Through a sense of sisterhood.

          I don’t have a single enemy really. And I have the utmost respect for (most) women.

          I’ve dealt with 2 or so years of working Motherhood guilt, so this is how I personally deal with it.

          And it’s working for me. And I’m proud of me. And I’m proud of working Mothers, or non working Mothers. Simple as that.

          :)

    • Ugh I think it’s pretty obvious what Cherie meant. Of course mothers who aren’t getting paid are still working. And can teach a good work ethic to their children. But she is talking about HER situation and how SHE feels. Not everything has to be taken personally.

      • Benedicta says:

        Before anyone else hauls me up, I did come back soon after typing my comment to delete it – I agree with what I said, but it was a knee-jerk response that came rushing out of my brain onto the page… If you knew me you would know that I tend to squeal out responses quite rapidly to things, often prefaced with “OMG!” said at high pitch. Hm. It doesn’t come across on the page so well then… I think Cherie Anne seems lovely (except when she has a pie in her hand…) and has a lovely blog, which is obviously primarily about her life and stuff. I get that.

        • Raising Master Max says:

          haha Benedicta, it’s seriously all good.

          I haven’t *met* you, but I like what I’ve seen of your online persona. Truly.

          I hope I give off a similarly nice’ish persona.

          I like that you’re opinionated. I relate to responding to things with high pitched “OMG’s”.

          But yep, this is just my online … diary (ish?), & I simply can’t apologise to EVERYONE for my own personal experience with Motherhood/working Motherhood. I come here to write because it’s therapeutic for me. And I can’t be everyone’s armchair psychologist, ha! Christ, … they’d want a refund! ;)

          x

      • Raising Master Max says:

        I thought it was, but I guess I have to remember that my tired words fall on well rested eyes quite differently sometimes :)

        x

  5. Oh BLESS Cherie!! I adore that you are a thrower. I threw a set of car-keys at my hubby once. Prolly not the best item – shall have to consider food items next time :)
    xxxxx

  6. Oh I SO HEAR YOU on the ‘not being able to work’ thing. I feel bad – I have NOT got over my guilt like you have (but I work OUT of the home) but honestly? I am SUCH a better parent when I’m working. I have NO IDEA what one does when one does not work. I LOVE WORKING and I do hope I’m managing to balance it all – somedays better than others! I’m a teacher so at least i work for ten weeks then have holidays and now that I have one that is school aged – oh my glory I’m realising the beauty of being a teacher – no vacation care needed (lie – she’s booked into two days of vacation care so I can ‘do stuff’). I do so love your honesty. I am also a thrower. And a screamer.

    • Raising Master Max says:

      You MUST get over the guilt, whatever way you can!

      For me, it’s telling myself that my kids are learning a pretty incredible work ethic (I work REALLY hard!). I’m just, y’know, SICK of feeling guilty all the time, for … EVERYTHING :)

      From one thrower to another, take care of you, & that working Mother guilt :)

      x

  7. Just have to say love it and love hearing about your life and how normal it is. I get it..I have a 2.5 year old and 11 month old. Life is hard but I couldn’t not work otherwise I would end up severely depressed! My husband and I like to get through the tense moments by telling each other what we would like to do to one another..put him in a woodchopper for instance. Good times! xx

  8. Ashleigh walsh says:

    It’s a huge regret of mine not getting Marie to help out with my pregnancy when she asked, I think I was too scared to have someone I know see me in such a state lol but looking back she would of been that breathe of fresh air I NEEDED!!! Especially with my second but I was embarrased to ask again! :(

    • Raising Master Max says:

      Oh Ash!

      Marie would NEVER take offence!

      She knows how DEEPLY personal pregnancy, labour & childbirth is!

      She’s just become such a wonderful, WONDERFUL friend to me that I’m glad I let her into our labouring cave :)

      x

  9. Yep, I’m a thrower too. Feels so bloody good! Though today I kicked the washing basket in frustration. That hurt!

    • Raising Master Max says:

      hahahahahaha!

      Oh Mel! The washing basket? Rookie error ;)

      ALWAYS throw things that disintegrate, & don’t hurt you in the process of making your point, ha!

      Truly though? I’m so glad you all make me feel normal’ish for being a thrower. I wish I wasn’t, but hey, we can’t all be perfect, can we? :)

      x

  10. OMG THANK YOU CHERIE!!
    Thank you so much for your wonderful way of telling your everyday, not always rosy, but always relatable tales of motherhood. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and everytime I finish I always think, “wow, she’s so brave to share stories that must make so many women think, phew I’m not the only one!”. I also love the humour in which you colour your everyday story of an everyday family.
    Oh and I can’t believe how well you put into the words about your husband being your village. I am a defence wife and we are in Newcastle with all our family in Vic. I have amazing friends who help when I need, but not family. Family who would barge over, messy house or not and kick me into bed while they cleaned and cooked soup. It kills me sometimes, knowing I have that family and we are somewhat “choosing” to do this on our own. It’s comforting to know I’m not crazy for feeling like this.
    Good on you, I love reading about your wonderful journey xx
    Oh and well done for throwing!! I ALWAYS invisage throwing things at my smug husband but never do it!! Now I’ll picture you doing it for me lol!!

    • Raising Master Max says:

      Oh Jenna,

      You’re so welcome!

      Thank YOU for listening to my ridiculous adventures in Mothering, ha!

      Yes, I know I lack elements of filtering, & kinda just … tell it how it is, but someone’s got to right?

      P.S I’m the daughter of a RAAF’men, & we spent a post in Newcastle (Williamtown, to be precise), so I relate. I was a kid then, but even in saying that, being away from family is HARD.

      Especially when you know your family are the kind who’ll drop everything, force you into bed, & make you soup.

      Good LORD. A tough one to give that up, so I truly feel for you!

      x

      • Well however you do it, your stories are wonderful!!
        My hubby is in the RAAF at Williamtown!! We live in Medowie!! I forgot your dad was RAAF!! Small
        World hey :)

        • Raising Master Max says:

          So small!

          I LOVED Williamtown!

          But I imagine it feels incredibly far away from your family!

          x

  11. Well, your blog just makes me giggle, cry and feel normal all at once. I so get being a working mum. My Marty and I own a cafe and have 4 girls. Life is busy, crazy and yes sometimes feels like it all just can’t be done, but it happens and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My girls get to see how working hard is the reason they have the things they have and the life that surrounds them. I also truly understand the throwing things. I throw things and as a matter of fact have done this week. Marty is my best friend and I truly love home more than words but sometimes he just bugs me and he knows just how to do it perfectly. I’m sure he laughs internally constantly at my two year old tantrums. Actually I laugh once I’ve done it, because one it feels better after and the other is I must look silly lol. Looking forward to your next meeting with your blog and reading your very normal stories :)

    • Raising Master Max says:

      I think we have the SAME dynamic!

      Dave & I are best friends, but yes, we’re human, & boy do we argue. I don’t take it too seriously though, because we are both acutely aware that these are the tough parenting years, & we’re still nutting out some of our different parenting values. Together!

      It’s … hard :)

      But I couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else :)

      x

  12. Reannon says:

    Your work life sounds perfect Cherie! Knowing I’ll be out of the workforce indefinitely is daunting & I’m still getting my brain around it. I do love that I’m not juggling work & the kids anymore, it’s a huge weight off my shoulders, but there is another part of me that feels horrible I’m not contributing financially to our family anymore & another part that just misses the stimulation. Hopefully one day I’ll figure something out…

    I miss having a mothers group. When I had Zane 14 years ago that group of woman were the best & we still were great friends, as were our kids, until I moved to the other side of the country. I just didn’t feel comfortable joining one after I had Blake but once he’s a bit older I think I’ll look into playgroups or something :)

    As for the marriage thing…I think it’ll always be an up & down thing. So long as you know the reasons you’re throwing pies at Dave ( lack of sleep, stress, whatevs) you’ll always be ok xx

    • Raising Master Max says:

      Reannon,

      If there’s anyone who deserves to have some time OUT from the workforce, it’s you!

      I didn’t realise until someone commented above that this post came across a little arrogant (i.e I unfairly compared working Mothers to SAHM’s). I can assure you, that was never my intention. I bloody LOVE women/Mothers/the sisterhood/uniting together in all of our different roles (working Mums/non working Mums/non Mums/Mums/foster Mums/whatever, my God).

      I tried not working, & I couldn’t bloody do it, haha!

      I came back to work 4 weeks post Frankie, because I said to my manager, um. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think that’s healthy, or normal, ha! But … it’s me. I’ve worked from the moment I turned 14 yrs 9 months (Dad signed me up to McDonalds, ha!). Even before them, I babysit my Dad’s friends kids.

      Don’t ever feel horrible for “not contributing financially to your family”. You’re working. Motherhood is the toughest job in the actual WORLD. And Christ, imagine how much money you’re saving on DAY CARE!

      Lots of love to you, my friend.

      Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, I am SO excited for you! I imagine you’re so exhausted, but I am so excited for you :)

      x x x

      • I did see those comments above about comparing but I didn’t read your post that way. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying work & being proud of yourself! My BFF & my sister in law are both like you & can’t NOT work. They also believe working makes them better parents. Everyone’s different :)

        I AM exhausted by this pregnancy, it’s really taking it’s toll on my body having two babies so close together at my age, but I am SOOOOOO excited! I’m excited to meet the baby & I’m really excited to watch how our family of boys will adapt to having a ladybaby around. Also the thought of Blake having a playmate so close to his age is kinda exciting too. Just over 5 weeks to go so I better get organized !!!

        xxxx

  13. Rachel English says:

    I hear ya girlfriend! This working from home juggling act is such hard work but I also wouldn’t change it for the world! I consider myself extremely fortunate that I get to work from home and not miss out on this time with my kids. I do use a babysitter two afternoons a week but I mainly get her to fold all the washing and cut up all the veggies for dinner so it lightens my load. But if my bub is crying and needs a cuddle, I still get to be the one, even though I have a babysitter right there, I am just as hands on too. Its the perfect balance. When my husband travels for work, I book the babysitter an extra day. It’s company, help and sanity saving all rolled into one. And the back up you need when you don’t have family close by…

Speak Your Mind