I’ve never made it a secret that the female friendship dynamic is for me, the most difficult dynamic to navigate. Women are just incredibly complex creatures, & hey y’know what? … I too am one of those same complex creatures, but I am also a little bit (or a lot) of a tom boy, & so I just really struggle with women & their friendship, a lot.
Sometimes I think because I was raised by a man, I’ve come to think like a man, which is to sometimes not think at all, & so I often run the risk of hurting the feelings of my beloved friends through all o’ my non thinking. And it’s not that I don’t care about them, far out, I care, I really really care – it’s just that I often struggle to show this ‘care’. It’s like I’m not creative enough, or something. Because if you’re my friend, & I like you, or even love you, I’ll basically only really know of two different ways to show you that I care about you;
// I’ll buy you things. Nothing huge, just small things like little bitty pieces from Typo, or Kikki K, or I’ll just fix up the bill if we have a coffee, or lunch, or something.
// I’ll compliment you. And I’ll mean it. But I won’t harp on about it. I’ll just compliment you, & then I guess I’ll just expect that you’ll take the compliment so that we can move forward with the business that is enjoying each other’s friendship.
But the thing is this, if I’ve just had one of those months where my mortgage has slammed me, or we’ve copped our quarterly gas bill at the end of Winter, or our car has broken down for the umpteenth time, well … I can’t really afford to hit Typo, or Kikki K, or fix up lunch bills. And if your hair has looked amazing every flipping time that we’ve caught up & I’ve told you this much, well … I’m all out of ideas. That just really is how non creative I am when it comes to navigating female friendship, & showing my female friends that I care about them.
It’s like I’m this male-minded, female-bodied, non creative … idiot, or something. And I see other chicks do friendship, & I see them do it really well, & I’ll admit at times I almost feel jealous of just how simply (& simply well) they do friendship. But I just put it down to everyone being good at something, & for me, it’s just not the whole females as friends thing. I have female friends, God only knows how, but I do. Actually, I have really good ones, but I think that’s just because I’ve found my really small group of women who (God love them) just seem to accept the incredibly clumsy way I go about maintaining friendships with them.
I mean … I screw up, I forget birthdays, I read texts & forget to reply to them, I’m not great at phone calls, & this could all so easily translate to not giving a flip about them, but that’s just not true. I just … I’m just not wired to want to call someone & discuss the meaning of life with them each & every day, partly because I just don’t have the time to do that, but mostly because even if I did, I wouldn’t want to. I mean Christ, I’m quite literally elbow deep in Huggies nappies each & every day, so I mean really … who would want to hear from me at the end of each day? If anything, you’d want to be screening my calls, because I’ve got nothing even remotely fascinating to talk about at the end of my each & every day.
A few weeks ago, I copped the ‘unfriend’ on Facebook. It’s all very female, & it’s all very 2013. The beauty about the unfriend (& there really is beauty in it) is that there is absolutely no confrontation required, & for a non-confrontational person like myself, that really is beautiful. The non beauty in it, is that I still don’t know why I was unfriended, & I probably never will. And that’s ok too, because I’m a big girl & I was able to put my big girl pants on & accept that not everyone you meet is going to like you, & for male-minded, female-bodied people like me … that’s going to be a lot of people.
My shyness is going to be mistaken for snobbery, my shocking phone etiquette is going to be misinterpreted as not caring, & all of the other flavours that make me, well … me aren’t going to win me the hearts of many females as friends. I know this about me, & I’ve always known this about me, & so for me to even be able to enjoy a beautiful friendship with another female means being able to find the kind of females who are patient enough to break through my rather tough exterior, because underneath that tough exterior & my fluency in sarcasm is a woman who loves her friends with intensity, but who executes that love in a sometimes (or often) really clumsy manner.
And so for those that unfriend me on facey, & then block me on instagram, I’m learning not to take it all so personally. I mean sure, it feels personal, but sometimes? … she’s just not that into you. And the thing is, you can’t force her to be. And then furthermore, you also can’t really expect someone to dig your friendship when yours is a friendship that has a very male-minded, female-bodied flavour to it.